two zero one three. lucky 13.

In 2013, I’m going to continue reading The New Yorker, and I’m going to continue reading fiction and literature. (“In 2013, I’m going to catch up on The New Yorker, and I’m going to read more fiction.” That’s a new years resolution. But I’m already reading The New Yorker (though admittedly I’m not quite caught up) and I’ve read quite a bit of fiction the last few months. Noteworthy titles and highlights (not necessarily the same thing) include Shani Bolanjiu’s The People of Forever Are Not Afraid; Junot Diaz’s This is How You Lose Her; Jonathan Franzen’s Freedom ; Amelia Gray’s Threats; Alan Heathcock’s Volt; Ernest Hemingway’s The Old Man and The Sea; Nicole Krauss’s The History of Love; Nicole Krauss’s Great House; Karen Thompson Walker’s The Age of Miracles.)

In 2013, I’m going to be more honest. I’m going to try to be more honest. With myself. With the people around me. (I’m not sure what this means, the honesty bit. It’s not as if I’m exactly lying to myself or the people around me, or if I am, it’s hard to tell. But there’s something dishonest about the way I’ve often lived my life the last few years. I don’t think I tell people I miss them enough. I wish I had more correspondence. Maybe that’s a real resolution: write more letters. But Do I have anything to say?)

In 2013, I’m going to continue writing. For me, for my dissertation, for my blog(s), maybe for literary journals or MFA applications (probably not the latter, but maybe). I’m going to keep writing. (But do I have anything to say?)

In 2013, I am not going to worry about writing for peer reviewed academic journals. I am not going to worry about abstracts and conferences and conference presentations (beyond the one I’m already committed to). I am writing my dissertation and finishing my PhD not so I can search for a R1 tenure-track job that may not exist and that that I probably don’t want. I am writing my dissertation and finishing my PhD so I can see what happens next; so I can see where I take it, not where it takes me. (I have something to say, I’m just not totally sure what it is yet.)

In 2013, I’m not going to let my soul die. I’m going to keep fighting for my soul against a world that wants to deprive me of it. (It’s a constant struggle and the calendar pages are just an opportunity to steel the resolve). In other words, 2013 is for remembering this: somewhere in my soul, there’s always rock and roll.

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